As most of you know, Ryan and I are having a little baby boy! We are very very happy. We thought we would be having a girl, because that was 90% of the guesses, but we have to keep the "Moreland" tradition, all boys first! We do not have a name and have NO IDEA when we will have one, hopefully before the baby is 1 ;) I wish I could say Ryan was with me when I found out, but sad to say he was in Denver working. It was not the original plan to even find out when I was only 15 weeks pregnant. I went in for an ultra sound to just check on the size of my cyst. However, I happen to get the sweetest ultrasound tech who did the whole shabang. I got to see the arms, feet, hands, body, head, spine, oh and then the gender. It was pretty obvious when it happened, and there was noooo denying it was a boy and he wanted me to know right then!
Ryan and I have been up to a lot lately. The weekend before last we went up to visit his sister Michelle and had a great time. I always love visiting her and the kids. We went for a nice fall walk with Olivia and I really enjoyed talking and exercising (since I haven't much since I have been pregnant).
This weekend was very very eventful. Saturday Ryan and I went shopping :) I bought my first pair of maternity jeans (which was actually very nerve racking) but I found a very very cute affordable pair at motherhood. They were only 26.00 and yes of course I found a designer pair of skinny jeans for 45.00. We Also got Ryan an awesome outfit from buckle and a couple of jeans from AE. I ordered my very first pair of TOMS . I am very excited to get them! These are the TOMS I picked!
Sunday we had a dinner at my In-Laws house (Ryan's Parents) we had the Katie, Kyle, Jake, Aubre, and the Johnson's over. We ate this Pyrenees bread from Bakersfield and had delicious soup. It was a good time, and I am glad we got to spend the weekend with good friends!
Last but far from least, my mom. I have been thinking about her a lot lately. I am realizing that the first stage of loss (Denial) 5 Stages of Grief can last longer than expected. Some days I feel like she is just on vacation and she is going to come home any day. I am going to hear her laugh, see her smile, listen to her talk gibberish, and give me great marriage advice. We went through a lot of her stuff this past week and that was hard. Going through all her clothes and taking them home made it all more real to me. Although I have to remember these are just material things, they were my moms. They were part of her, part of her personality, memories in each and every outfit arose while we were going through them. I feel myself getting closer and closer to being upset and kind of angry about the timing of it all, the loss of it all. Although I know it's necessary, and part of life, sometimes its okay to feel like it just isn't fair. Like I said, I am grateful for the gospel; which prevents me from taking my anger out on God, but that doesn't mean my anger in other places doesn't exist. I just miss her, I'm selfish to say I want her back, but some days I do. It's an indescribable loss to lose your mom, something that is painful and confusing, but it happens, unfortunately to many. I don't see how it could be any easier for someone who had their mom till she was 95. You still lose her, and it still hurts. I cannot wait until the day I get to be with her again. I was so grateful for the talks in General Conference this session on Saturday. So many were about accepting we are immortal and accepting loss, but also understanding we will be together again. In church on Sunday we sang "Families can be Together." I am pretty sure that broke open the water gates. I know I will be okay, I know she is in a better place. I just hope she knows how much I miss her and dad.