Happiness is...A Letter to My One Year Old

Austin-

Today you turn One. I honestly cannot believe how the time has flown. I still remember the day I found out about you. You know, your Grandma Annie was the first to know, even before your dad! You won't get to meet her in this lifetime, but she loves you, and one day you will know her well.

Austin, I want to let you know how grateful I am for you. You truly are the light and joy in my life. Everyday I come home from work to you, you have your big toothy grin (by the way you have 8 teeth already!), and you clap your hands. You have no idea how much that means to me. Every time I drop you off before work, and you cry and cry because you are sad I am leaving, although it hurts, I am so glad you love me soooo much! You are growing up so fast, and sometimes I wish I could slow it down.

You have such a personality already. You are one of the happiest babies I have ever seen, and I am not just saying that because you are mine. Since the day you were born you rarely cried, and you still rarely cry. On the exception of when you are hungry and tired! You are strong as an ox. It amazes me how you can crawl up on the couch like you are a little rock climber just to reach the blinds. You are so smart. I watch you pick things up and examine them like you are trying to figure out how it works. (you get that from your dad and Papa Bill.) Your curiosity is intriguing. You love the pantry. When the door is open you crawl super fast to get inside, and take all your sippy cups out of the basket. You also love the remote, toilet, and toilet paper. You are determined, when you want something you find a way to get it, when you want to get somewhere you find a way to get there. (I take credit for that). You love love love food. If dad or I are eating, you MUST be eating also. There is no exceptions!

Most importantly Austin, you are YOU. I love YOU. I am grateful for YOU. You saved me! I don't know how I could have made it through certain things if I had not been pregnant with you. You truly took pain away from my heart and let joy and happiness fill it. You will do great things. You are strong and determined and will succeed at whatever your endeavors are in life. I hope to bring you up to know  your Heavenly Father, and that you can be a strong man of faith. I am so excited for the years to come, and I am so grateful God gave me you.

Love,
Your mama!

Halloween!

So normally Ryan and I kinda struggle with this holiday. I attempted to be festive. I even bought stuff to make a wreath, but this year like every year, it never got done. I have the hardest time getting into Halloween. I wasn't even going to take Austin out trick or treating and honestly I didn't even buy him a costume until our friends invited us out trick or treating. They picked up a cute costume for him from Costco. I honestly wasn't feeling trick or treating at all. Work was long and I was tired, but the minute I saw Austin in that precious costume I couldn't help but be excited to show him off to everyone around.

He went up to about 10 houses and he grabbed his candy all by himself. Everyone loved him. I mean I am biased, but Austin is so darn cute!! I ended to having a blast and so did Austin. I may or may not have eaten a couple of pieces of his candy! 

This is about the time he was ready to go home :) haha!

And this was on the way home! He was all tuckered out! 

Almost finished!!!

 We are getting so so excited! Our house is almost finished. We should be moving in, in no more than 3 weeks. Yesterday I went by the house to check out the progress. 

The whole outside has been finished. Except for the fence and grass. We won't be getting grass in until April because it snows all winter long so kind of pointless. The inside tile is done and all the cabinetry is in! They were painting the walls when I visited yesterday. I am getting so excited! 

I haven't even begun to pack our apartment. I really should get on that. I feel like ill have time but then next thing I know another week has already passed! 

This was a shot from a few weeks ago. I am not a huge fan of the color but I don't hate it.

Also Ryan and I went to the BYU Game this weekend! We had great seats and really had a fun time. We don't get to go on dates very often and it was really nice. 

On Saturday night we hung out with our friends Madi and Taylor and another couple. It was a lot of fun! I always enjoy hanging out with them!

Sunday we had Jake and Aubre over for dinner. It was nice visiting with them! It had been much to long :) can't wait for future dinners! 

Austin is growing up way to fast! He is now 7 months. Where has the time gone? He laughs, and copycats me all the time. He eats a lot more solid food! He sits in a high chair. He babbles all the day long. He gets up on all fours but no crawling yet. He does like to scootch backwards. He's graduated to his stroller and not his carrier. And he sleeps through the night, about 12 hours. He is perfect! 

Austin 15-18 & 3 months old today!

My happy "Massif Jr"  is 3 months old today!! 

This picture is super sweet, but is face makes me laugh! Austin spending time with his grandpa! 

This is his "why the heck are you taking a picture of me when I'm supposed to be napping mom!"

Austin loving his new Sperry Top-Siders

Austin Day 12-14

I have one happy little boy! He makes my heart melt!!

He is such a chub!! 

No one better touch my monkey!! And I'm losing a sock dang it. 

Day 5-11

So I suck at this, but my life is insane! Here is 7 pictures to make up for it! 

Sleepy boy at his Grandma & Grandpa's 

Austin trying out the pool! He loves it! 

Austin loves watching Baby Einstein! 

Love his baby blues! He is just so cute! 

He doesn't look excited, but I promise he was!

He's passed out!!!

I love my family. <3>

Austin Day 4

He is growing up way to fast for my liking! I love is bright eyes and sweet smile! Yes I have him in lots of nautical clothing. I do work at a boat store! Outfit was a gift from our sweet friends the Barton's! 

Austin Day 3

Austin is #1 getting to big for the bouncer (which makes me sad lol) and #2 so alert! He loves looking and grabbing at things! Today he is 11 weeks old! 

Austin Day 2

Austin Day: Two

Austin is the most smiley, happy, morning person you will ever meet. Every morning at 6:30 he wakes up bright-eyed and talks to us for the next 3 hours! Good thing I am a morning person too :). This picture was taken this morning as daddy was talking to him! He's excited to go to the water park today with mommy!

Austin Day 1

Austin Day: One

I love to read to Austin.

I know he is too young to really understand anything.

He doesn't really even look at the pictures

But it feels good to read to him.

He always smiles and giggles when I read to him.

I love our one on one time :)

Project 365

Well I have jumped on the bandwagon for project 365. I feel encouraged to do this for many reasons. My main reason, however, is so that I can capture moments in my son's life that I wish my family would have captured. I can sadly say I have very very few pictures of when I was ages 1-4, and how I long to have them so i can compare them to my little one now.

I am going to be posting pictures every day for the next year of Austin. If I miss a day, I will post two posts and make up the next day.

Project 365 will begin tomorrow <3>

Austin Ryan Taggart

This is pretty much a blog post dedicated to my sweet baby Austin.

 

He is so precious when he sleeps.

He is very particular about his hands.

He refused to be swaddled.

Just hanging out!

He's getting to be a chunk :)

Austin got to meet Grandma Leanne.

Mother's day was beautiful.

Austin also got to meet Auntie Karla :) He liked her a lot!!

He held his bottle on his own. 

You cant see his hand on the other side,

but he was holding it!

He has become so alert and loves to smile!

Just a couple of his funny faces!!

He loves to make funny faces.

This is by far one of my favorite pictures of him!

He looks just like my baby picture here!

He was laughing! Or at least it looks like it haha!

And to end... a perfect video of him smiling!

The past 6 weeks...

The Past 6 Weeks

I'd have to say a lot has happened in 6 weeks.

Mostly great things :) This year has really turned out to be a better one than the past 2.

As you know, 6 weeks ago I had a beautiful baby boy.

he is growing so fast, and might I add, he is a chunky one. 

I don't exactly know how much he weighs right now, but it's over 10 lbs.

He's such a great eater, and goes about 3-4 hours in between. If I am lucky sometimes more.

He barely ever cries (he'd rather grunt lol)

He looks so much like both Ryan and I it's crazy!

He's absolutely perfect.

Also, I had lots of visitors. 

My best friend Mary came to visit from Georgia! 

We had lots of fun! 

I miss her so much.

My Step Mom Jenny, My Sister April, and My Grandma Jeanette came in town the week after.

It was Jessi and Dustin's graduation and they came to meet Austin.

It was wonderful spending so much time with them. 

Another amazing thing.

We are currently under contract for a new built home that will be finished in september.

We have already been approved, we will not close, however, until August.

I am very excited for the things to come.

I finished another semester of school with great grades.

I officially only have 1 year left until I am completely DONE with school.

It has been hard being pregnant having a baby and continuing school, but I am proud of myself.

Not only did I complete 2 full semesters. I managed to complete them successfully with good grades. 

Although I have experienced a lot of bad the past 2 years. 

I am grateful for the good that God has brought into my life.

I miss my Mom and Dad more than words can express.

At times I get angry and wish they were both here to help me, but then...

then God reminds me of my purpose and the good I still have left on this earth.

I am grateful.

I can't wait to see what the next 6 weeks brings me :)

Life is Good.

3 weeks and counting...

The past 3 weeks have been such an adventure! I never realized how tired I would could be. I also never realized how hard it was to change a diaper on an infant. Or how exhausting it can be to feed a baby every 3 hours, and then pump, and then change his diaper... By the time everything is done. It's 30 minutes of sleep and back to the routine again. I guess what I am trying to say... I never knew how tiring it could be to be a MOM!

Good news is...

After 3 weeks I am starting to get the hang of things.

I can now change a diaper and only use 1 diaper (yes I had no idea my baby would poop on me while changing his diaper).

I can feed him without having to pump also... (yay for not being "engorged") 

I get at least 2 hours of sleep in-between feedings (when he isn't awake making grunting noises haha)

I have managed to clean my house, do my laundry, and finish my homework. (ok I am working on the homework part lol!)

I love being a mom. All the sleepless nights, the dirty diapers, and the constant feedings are more than worth it :)

New baby...New life

We are parents! 

WOW!

My experience was great. 

My labor lasted 5 and half hours. 

I got to experience real labor contractions for 3.5 hours after my water broke.

I only had to push for 20 minutes.

His shoulders got stuck and had to be pushed out so I didn't get to do immediate skin on skin.

He was super blue and his body temperature was low.

He however is healthy and beautiful!

We are IN LOVE.

Me on the other hand... It's been a new experience.

Being a first time mom is definitely not easy, but its worth it.

Late nights, zero sleep, constant feeding, constant diaper changing...

Oh and I have Mastitis. (Infection from breastfeeding)

But I am coping.

being in school while being a new mom, not easy.

I went back when he was 1 week old.

I also feel angry sometimes.

I miss my mom.

Most of my friends have their mom to help. I don't.

It's not easy. I get so frustrated. I am coping though.

Goodnight. 

Not out of convenience...

For those of you who are wondering, or more so assuming, I am letting you know why I am getting induced.

First and foremost I would like to get it out there... It is NOT out of convenience. First off, in the state of Utah (I don't know about other states) a doctor cannot induce a mother out of convenience for her first child until 41 weeks. (Usually at that point, its not a convenience to the mother anyways). The only way a doctor can induce a first time mom is for medical purposes. So for those of you who don't know... I am a first time mom.

Although, I don't feel like I by any means need to explain myself or explain why I am being induced at 39 weeks.. (not even a full week till I am 40 weeks) I am going to, so I don't have to explain myself over and over to those who think they have a right to know...

As many of my good friends and family know, I have had a struggling pregnancy. I am grateful I have made it as far as I have given my circumstances. I have undergone surgery, multiple pre-term labor experiences, a car accident, and multiple kidney stones. I am also grateful that my baby has been healthy throughout this process and that when I have not been in distress he also has not been. However, when my body has gone into distress mode it has affected my baby directly during that time....

This past week and the week prior I have been to the hospital multiple times. Number one for 3 days I had severe bleeding in my kidney's. For those of you who have not experienced this... You can have blood in your urine and still have a serious problem, but not even notice the bleeding... For me. It was so noticeable it sent me to the hospital twice within 3 days. The bleeding did not stop at all for 3 days, and it wasn't until I passed two major kidney stones that my kidney's got a break. These would have been kidney stone #7 and #8 since pregnancy. For those of you who have never had a kidney stone. I envy you, and also I want to inform you the amount of damage it does to your kidney's and entire urinary tract. It tears apart the lining of your urinary organs and builds of thick scar tissue, making it yes less painful to pass multiple stones, but also more difficult for kidney stones to pass, and other waste that needs to exit your body. This can cause further kidney and urinary tract infections for the rest of your life. Every time I have a kidney stone or a kidney infection my uterus contracts just as if I am going into real labor, but without progression. This causes me not only immense discomfort and pain, but also causes my baby distress as does any contraction especially ones that continue without change.

Also, for those of you who don't know. I got in a car accident about a month ago. This caused me to go into pre term labor and dilate me to 2cm and 80% effaced within hours. Luckily my body stopped itself and I continued with my pregnancy. However, between the wreck and my kidney issues, my body still continued to contract and dilate me, but leaving me at 3cm 100% effaced and at a station -1, 0 (subjective to the nurse or doctor). My body is trying it's best to bring my baby here, but it is having a very difficult time doing it on it's own.

My doctor as of last Monday and a long conversation later, felt as though it was best that we induce the baby a little over 39 weeks. My kidney's could still have multiple stones that are breaking apart, and they can not check or do any type of surgery that may be needed to remove large stones while the baby is inside. My baby measures at a healthy 39 almost 40 weeks. Although, yes I could choose to wait to be "induced" ON my due date. It is still an induction. We do not know if or when my body will go into natural labor since it has not already. I agreed with my doctor that it was prob. best to do it sooner than later, so I am getting induced tomorrow.

My doctors hopes are that he has to give me a minimal amount of pitocin and my body will recognize what is should be doing and all will go well. I pray it also goes well. I however, do not need messages and comments about how selfish I am being to my child my being induced. You are not my baby, you are not my body, and you are not me.

Thanks.
Ashley

Last few weeks

Oh that moment when you realize, 40 weeks is too long to be pregnant, and you realize pregnancy should only last 35, because by the time 35 weeks comes around... you're done.

I haven't had the easiest pregnancy to say the least, it's been a constant roller coaster of joy and fear, pain and excitment. However, I know that right now I may be sick of it all, but I know when I have him... I'll miss this part.

Some things I'll miss about being pregnant:
1. Hearing his heartbeat. I have been lucky to the not so lucky enough to be able to hear my babies heartbeat for hours at a time. I don't know what it is about the sound, but it's the only thing that could make me forget the pain I was in, or the anxiety that I felt. Lying in a hospital bed, the many times I have, it's what lullabyed me to sleep. I will miss that. It was and is such a beautiful sound to me.

2. The kicking, the movements, the guessing which body limb this is. Sometimes the kicks are painful because I don't have much room in there, but boy am I going to miss it. I don't know what it is going to be like not having that constant reminder that baby is with me and doing good. He has been such a mover, and I am just going to miss it so much. I'm sure when he arrives, everytime he moves his hands and feet I am going to think of those little (or not so little) kicks.

3. My bump. As annoying as it can be sometimes, I am going to miss it. It's fun being pregnant. it's exciting to look down and realize, WOW I have a baby inside there. Although there are those emotional days when I just feel fat, I am quickly reminded that I am taking care of a child. Plus, I think my bump is kinda cute ;)

Some things I won't miss about being pregnant:
1. Nausea. I have been nauseated and basically lived on Zofran this entire pregnancy.

2. heartburn. Oh goodness, the minute I turned 33 weeks my esophagus blew up! It has been a tremendous battle at night and all day long. I think all those TUMS are what is giving me all my kidney stones!

3. Hiccups. Yes believe it or not; I will not miss my little man's hiccups. They feel like a constant muscle twitch lol!

4. Under active kidney. I will not miss getting a kidney stone every month. I've passed 7. Not fun!

All in all, despite the random bumps in the road along the way. Being pregnant isn't terrible. I am just ready to meet my little man and cuddle him in my arms. I want to feel his baby soft skin, and know that I am holding something me and my wonderful husband created!

Losing Yourself

I am a strong believer in not forgetting yourself once you have children. I know people say, "you won't understand until you have kids. I disagree. I grew up in a pretty large family, and despite my mom and dad splitting up when I was still quite young, both of my parents managed to not lose themselves within parenting.

I guess this post is coming from the frustration I have felt all through my pregnancy, with people telling me that I won't have a life anymore, or I'll have no time for myself, or to work out, or finish school, or work, or play, or go on vacation. I was so shocked at the negativity I got from other parents... like being a parent was some sort of sentence or time you had to serve in jail. I am not pointing out anyone specifically, just in general.

Well I am here to point out that I disagree. Yes, that may be my opinion, and yes I don't have children, yet (one month to go), but I think I have seen enough from personal experience. My mom had 5 kids. She continued to get a degree in accounting, travel, and nursing. She loved to go on vacations ever since we were little. She took time to go out with her girl friends, and took time to herself. The time she wasn't doing all these things was spent closely with us (her children). She made it a point to involve us in every part of her life she could, and she was very capable of doing many things she loved, WITH children. Same with my dad. He pursued his business and happened to be very successful, he enjoyed traveling all over the world, and in the united states (in which he took us along), he also loved boating and Lake Lanier in which he involved his children very much.

My point in this rant is that having children does not mean you stop having fun, stop enjoying your marriage, your life. Yeah you may lack energy for awhile, that doesn't last forever... I have every intention on finishing my degree, I have every intention to continue doing what I love, which yes includes working out on a daily basis, and all things outdoors. My child has every ability to do these things with me.

So if you get anything from this post, realize that I am not meaning to offend anyone who's opinion may be the opposite of mine, I am just defending my opinion.

I choose to see the glass as half full... not half empty.

Baby Blanket & Baby Shower

Thank you to my good friend Katie for teaching me how to crochet. I made this beautiful baby blanket for my little baby boy that will soon be here! This was a big DIY craft for me :) I was pretty proud of myself.

The colors match the theme of his Nursery, which is the jungle theme. I love how all the colors worked out and really went well with each other. I can't wait to start my next project.

Also a HUGE thank you to my friend Jasmine for throwing me a baby shower. She did so wonderful on the decorations and sugar cookies. She made all of it herself, so if you have a question, check out her blog: The Cardon Family

Prenatal Classes

Tonight Ryan and I went to our first Prenatal/Hypno-birthing class! It was really good. We have a very small class, there is only 1 other couple. It's kind of nice and more personal. We learned different breathing and relaxation methods. (No not like the Bill Cosby Video Click Here for the Video ) We also watched a couple of live births (not as graphic as I thought they would be) so that was nice. I have no regrets on taking these classes. Yes, I have many siblings who have had babies, and I've learned a lot from them, but I am now seeing why these classes are so important. I also love spending time with my husband, and having him come to these classes so he can learn aside me.

So as many of you may or may not know. I am undecided on whether or not I want to try natural birth or not. From the beginning I told my husband I really was interested in trying to do it natural. I have been through very painful situations in my life (aka kidney stones) which I have been told is very similar to natural child birth. If you haven't ever experienced a kidney stone, I don't really want to know whether you agree or not. I have had them, and they hurt. They hurt worse than anything I have probably experienced in my entire life. I have talked to my doctor on what his opinion is. He believes that I can do it no matter what path I choose. I know, I know doctors are supposed to say that, but we went into detail regarding pain I have already endured, and he is WELL aware of what pain level I am able to tolerate.

Another reason why I am considering not getting an epidural is because of my back problems... In June of last year I hurt my back along my T12-T14. I tore all of the tissue surrounding these vertebrae. During my hospital visit I was informed I have scoliosis that is considered to have a "significant" level of curvature (between 25-30%). I had no Idea I had this until then except for the constant back pain I had since I was younger, but assumed it was just my posture or my activity level. Also, in 2007 I happened to fracture my vertebrae (T14) which is where I re-aggravated my injury last year. All of these can make for a difficult epidural injection and a risk for permanent injury. Yes, the risk is not large, but it's something to definitely take into account.

I know giving natural child birth will NOT be easy, I know it will hurt, and I especially know it's not a glamorous occasion. However, I do believe it is rewarding. I want to know I can accomplish such a task. I also know it can create a very special bond between you and your spouse who must commit just as much as you need to commit. I have more reasons as to why I am considering going natural. This is just to name a few.

I know many people who swear by epidurals, and I am sure that they work amazing, and make life so much easier. I am just not sure if I want it easier yet. It was nice to know that if you change your mind you have significant time to decide during labor. I was told by many who got epidurals that you might as well get it, because there comes a point where it's too late. In my class I found that the time you have to choose whether or not to get one is very late into labor, and you usually know at that point whether you can handle natural child birth or not.

I know everyone will have their opinion, but if I do choose to go natural, I hope that I have support from all those I love, and that they will be willing to stand by my side and help me through it all.